Sunday, February 13, 2011

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:




WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it

And to the men who will enjoy reading it.



___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People



NICKNAMES

� If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

� If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .



EATING OUT

� When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

� When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.



MONEY

� A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

� A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.



BATHROOMS

� A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

� The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.



ARGUMENTS

� A woman has the last word in any argument.

� Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



FUTURE

� A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

� A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



SUCCESS

� A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

� A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



MARRIAGE

� A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

� A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.



DRESSING UP

� A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

� A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.



NATURAL

� Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

� Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



OFFSPRING

� Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

� A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.





THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!





SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

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3 Bullets

There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat. He had an old rifle and three bullets.

So, he decided that he would go out hunting and kill some wild game for dinner.

As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit. He shot at the rabbit and missed it. The rabbit ran away.

Then he saw a squirrel and fired a shot at the squirrel, but missed it. The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood treel.

As he went further, he saw a large, wild "Tom" turkey in the tree, but he had only one bullet remaining.

A voice spoke to him and said, "Pray first, aim high, and stay focused."

However, at the same time he saw a deer which was a better kill.

He brought the gun down and aimed at the deer. But, then he saw a rattlesnake between his legs, about to bite him, so he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot the rattlesnake.

Still, the voice said again to him, "I said, 'Pray, Aim high, and Stay focused."

So, the man decided to listen to God's voice.

He prayed, then aimed the gun high up in the tree, and shot the wild turkey.

The bullet bounced off the turkey and killed the deer.

The handle fell off the gun, hit the snake in the head, and killed it. And, when the gun had gone off, it knocked him into a pond.

When he stood up to look around, he had fish in all his pockets, a dead deer, and a turkey for his family to eat.

The snake, (Satan), was dead simply because the man listened to God.

Moral of the story:
Pray first before you do anything, aim and shoot high in your goals, and stay focused on God.

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~ HE IS THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD ~

Jesus, is our life, our Hope and Our Lord and Savior.
In Him do I trust. W/O Him I am lost and wondering around on this globe of existence without any life in me. W/Him, there is life, with Him there is Hope, with Him there is a place for me in heaven one day.

JESUS IS OUR LIGHT

JESUS IS OUR LIGHT
He shed those tears 4 U & I

JESUS IS THE ANSWER

"Our only Hope of Heaven".
He is the bright and morning star, the lily of the valley
our redeemer and forever friend.